These are my water bottles. Well, they're not mine anymore, they're the trash can's. You are asking why they ended up in the trash can? If you wanna know about it, read on! You'll find it both interesting, and hilarious at the same time!.
Dear twisted water bottles in the trash can,
Um... hey there! This is your previous owner, Josh. Remember the times that we hung out with each other and had so much fun? Oh... you probably won't want to remember it because it would have been so painful to you. We twisted your body and blew your head up for about 20 times. I know that feeling- when you scream out not to then the person does more and more. It might be fun to them but not you right? Yeah, um.. anyways I'm ... so... sorry. I didn't mean to do it but Eddie said it's heck a lot of fun. When I sighted him do it, I got so amazed and wanted to have a go at it. As I kept doing it, I got more and more addicted to it.
So... how are things going around there for you? Not too well? Or great? Please write me back. I just feel so sorry for you that I want to help you out for the rest of your life. Hey did the part where me Eddie squeezed get any better? Oh yeah I forgot to say sorry for blowing your head up. I'm sorry about that too. I wouldn't want somebody to blow my head up.
Anyways I'm once again, very, very sorry and I hope you get on well with your "things".
Bye!
From your bad, evil, crazy minded owner,
Josh
Wow. Great job Josh! It was really entertaining to read your ode since it gives amusing descriptions about how the bottles might feel painful and how you feel sorry about that. There are also a lot of details that help readers picture the scenes in their heads so great job! Keep up with the good work!
ReplyDeleteI really liked this post! To comment on minor grammatic errors,
ReplyDeleteI wasn't meant to do it but Eddie said it's heck a lot of fun.
this sentence should be
I did not mean to do it but Eddie said it is a lot of fun.
and
I just feel too sorry for you want to help you out for the rest of your life.
this sentence could be improved to
I just feel so sorry for you that I want to help you out for the rest of your life.
Overall it is a very well written ode, and a interesting one.
Keep up the good work!
Nice work!
ReplyDeleteThis is good. I like your informal tone you've successfully employed here to show your intimate relationship with water bottle. I found your strategy very efficacious. Though there are some minor grammar mistakes which some other TAs amended, I think you are a great writer and will improve a lot.
ReplyDeleteRemember I circled all the mistakes on paper and told you to change them? IF I don't see them fixed before the end of the week... I will pretend you are a water bottle (OR give you a Yellow Card). Your choice. :)
ReplyDelete